It’s that time of year again, when we spend way too much money buying cheap party store costumes and drink our faces off to the sound of the Halloween theme song and “Monster Mash” on repeat while eating diabetes-inducing volumes of sugary snacks.
To help with your lack of intelligent costume ideas, I’m going to go out of my way to give you some pointers on how to dress up for Halloween on the cheap while also looking like one of your favorite 90s it girls: Kelly Kapowski.
If you’re too stupid or reclusive to know who Kelly Kapowski is, she was by far the most beautiful female from the cast of Saved By The Bell and my personal, lifelong obsession. She was a bouncy, kindhearted, somewhat ditzy cheerleader who was Zack Morris’ one and only. When she wasn’t flipping Valley the bird and rooting for the Bayside Tigers, she was hanging out at the Max and looking fly as fuck in her ever-changing array of colorful wardrobe choices.
I’m here today to tell you how you can emulate that style and take your best swing at looking as good as Kelly Kapowski. Chances are, you’re nowhere near as good looking and never will be, but no one will fault you for trying.
Kelly loved everything floral. This is as good a place to start as any because any of the styles mentioned below can just be bought with floral patterns on them to add to the overall outfit. She always gave off this tropical, warm 90s vibe that was somewhere between a suburban mom and a condo sofa.
The look of girls who love looking classy, but want you to get a little taste of that shoulder skin to keep things interesting. Kelly pulled this look off with ease because she’s got shoulders for days, yo.
I always felt the off-shoulder sweatshirt was more of an 80s look than a 90s one, but Kelly Kapowski helped bring it into the 90s mainstream by rocking it with confidence. The only other celebrity proponent of such a look is the stunningly gorgeous Bill Belichick.
The go-to fashion accessory of fashionable 90s females and tough guy Uncle Jesses alike, the denim jacket is a fine fit for any occasion. Whether you’re taking in a high school football game or going to a royal wedding, a denim jacket is always in vogue.
Body Contour Skirt
What better way to show off the curves of voluptuous vixen Kelly Kapowski than with a skirt that hugs every inch? The vertical pink and purple stripes add to the overall aesthetic as well.
Lace Bustier and Suspenders
In the 90s, suspenders were all the rage. I can still remember kids wearing FUBU overalls with one of the straps hanging down. Black, Men’s Wearhouse-branded dad suspenders and a lacy bustier complete the ensemble and send you on a one-way flight to sexytown.
A staple of every reputable porn studio costume closet, the cheerleader uniform is timeless. Throw in one of those cardboard megaphones and some pom-poms and you’ve got a look that lasts not only the Halloween season, but every swinger sex party you’ll ever be invited to.
Whether you’re Pam Beesly or Tai from Clueless, you’re in good company when sporting a pair of clean white Keds. They’re the status symbol of any middle-class white kid and they fit well into any situation.
Beat-beat-ba-ba-ba-beat, go Bayside!