As a larger man, keeping my shirt tucked in has always been a problem. With a protruding belly and no semblance of an ass to speak of, clothes of mine have always been somewhat ill-fitting. There’s nothing more annoying to me than being dressed for a formal or business event and having the edges, front, or back of my dress shirt come undone and bunch up or expose skin.
I’ve tried everything to combat this problem to no avail. I bought shirts that were far longer than they should be. The shirt still came untucked. I tucked my shirt inside of my boxers before putting on a pair of pants. The shirt still came untucked. I even prayed to Vishnu for the strength to keep my shirt from popping out of my pants. Still, the shirt would always find a way to come untucked.
Unbeknownst to me during my 30 years of existence, there was an easy solution just an Amazon order away: shirt stays.
Introduced to me by a person in the military who would be given 30 lashes should their uniform look less than pristine, shirt stays are a wonderful wardrobe accessory for both men and women that clip your shirt to either your socks or a stirrup wrapped around your foot and they successfully keep your shirts from ever coming untucked again.
The first choice you have to make when wearing shirt stays is which kind you want to sport. There are the 2 aforementioned varieties: the stirrup shirt stay and the kind that clip on the elastic portion of your socks. They both have pluses and minuses.
The shirt stays that clip to your socks are great for people who want to multi-task, as they both keep your shirt tucked in as well as prevent your socks from falling down. Their biggest downside is the fact that the portion that clips to your sock can sometimes come unclipped. This seems like a minor issue, but if you’re a guy you run the risk of the unhooked strap backfiring all of its tension and hitting you squarely in one of your balls. I think I can deal with droopy socks in favor of an unharmed nut sack.
The stirrup version of shirt stays are far more utilitarian. They have a hoop of fabric that you slip over your foot and prevent any chance of the strap coming undone and nailing you in the penis. Their only real disadvantage is that they create a little bit more tension on the strap as it goes up the side of your leg. Depending on your sensitivity to tight straps running down your leg, this may or may not be the product for you. These are the ones that I use.
The second thing you’ll want to consider are what kind of strap orientation you’re looking for. There are shirt stays that are just one long piece, requiring the attachment of one to the front and back of the shirt on each side. There’s also the kind that come out in a “Y” shape and let you attach them to the front and back of the shirt all on the same stay. Personally, I prefer the y-shaped ones because the thought of having to keep track of 4 different shirt stays instead of just 2 fills me with all kinds of dread.
The last thing you’ll need to consider if where you want to clip your shirt stays. If the sides of your shirt bunching up is your biggest problem and top annoyance, then start there. If you’re only worried about the back of the shirt coming undone and exposing your hairy ass crack, then place them all there. I have an equally hard time with the front and back of my shirts coming undone, so I prefer to clip to those portions. Whatever your preference for shirt tucking, place your clips accordingly.
Today was my first day wearing shirt stays and, while it was a little bit weird at first, I felt no discomfort or pain throughout my 8 hour workday. I would highly recommend picking up a pair of shirt stays and giving them a try. They may be just what you need to keep looking sharp.