Today’s edition of “Ninja Turtle Stuff” is an exploration of a pretty weird version of Raphael.

Toward the end of the Playmates Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles toy line, pretty much every creative idea imaginable was turned into a Ninja Turtle toy.

There were Star Trek versions, prehistoric versions, and even giant voodoo elephants. If it could be loosely tied to or fashioned into a Ninja-Turtle-Like action figure, it most certainly was.

This particular figure is known simply as Sewer-Cyclin’ Raph. Although I don’t think I’ve ever seen Raph ride a bicycle in the cartoon show on the street or in the sewer, I guess the people at Playmates thought it would be a good idea if he did.

He’s dressed like an extra in Olivia Newton John’s “Let’s Get Physical” music video, clad in head to toe with neon spandex. He sports a neon yellow vest and old man knee-high socks, a neon green helmet (for safety, of course), cheesy black biker shorts that read “Team Turtle,” and sunglasses right off the set of some early 90s teen beach movie. Slung over his shoulder is also a metal chain and lock to prevent someone from walking away with his puke green bike accessory.

The most interesting part of the outfit, however, is his utility belt of cyclist-related necessities.

I’m apologizing now for the overabundance of hyphenated words in this article.

The belt contains what looks like a small squirting water bottle, some kind of inanimate metal rod with a neon green handle, and a neon pink walkman.

I guess if Raph needed to beat someone over the head while staying hydrated and listening to an audio cassette of Jock Jams: Volume 1, he’d be more than prepared.

Also, for reasons completely unbeknownst to me, this toy was billed specifically as being “Sewer Spitting.” I never understood the fascination with toys that spit water, but I remember using this guy extensively in my bathtub action figure wars because of it.

He has a giant water jug on his back made of rubber textured to look like a turtle shell. The idea was to fill this tiny receptacle with some kind of liquid and squeeze it between your fingers to make Raph spit out of the tiny hole in his mouth.

While the spitting mechanism never worked that well, I still had a fun time pretending he was one of those spitting dinosaurs from Jurassic Park as I wasted time playing with toys instead of cleaning myself during a Sunday night bath.

Unfortunately, I no longer possess any of the tiny accessories that came along with this figure. This includes his bike which is pretty much the whole point of this figure.

As a young child, it was these little extra pieces that I always chewed to shreds and/or lost immediately.

To make up for his lack of a vehicle, here’s a picture of Raph riding a translucent miniature pink elephant.

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