maintaining spontaneity in a long-term relationship

Much like a buffet line, life is best when we’re afforded variety. It’s important to improvise. As much as you love someone or something, you can get a little bit jaded eating the same flavor of cereal every morning. I love Frosted Flakes, but I couldn’t eat them every day. If you added honey, flavored milk, chocolate syrup, or ate them dry you could find a path to enjoying your favorite cereal in new ways. The same concept applies to maintaining spontaneity in long-term relationships.

Being in a long-term relationship is an amazing experience. Your comfort level and understanding of one another reaches new heights of complexity. You know what they like and dislike, you’re not self-conscious about disrobing in front of them, and you can even occasionally fart in front of them without wanting to crawl into a hole and die of shame. It’s phenomenal.

If you’re not careful, however, you can fall into life, work, and romantic routines that kill the kind of passion that drew you to your beloved in the first place. You don’t want to go to the same restaurant together every weekend, watch the same TV programs, plan out what nights of the week you can have sex, or make the same five dinners every week. Romance is supposed to be captivating, unexpected, fiery, and leave you wanting more.

Fortunately, as creative beasts of limitless possibility, we humans are uniquely privileged in our cognizance. We have the ability to shake things up every now and then by brainstorming about innovative ways to impress, titillate, and bewilder our partners and make them feel appreciated and unorthodoxly attended to.

Here is my list of three exclusive methods to maintain spontaneity in a long-term relationship:


Find Unique Events to Attend

Sitting at home alone with your loved one, while refreshing at times after a long workweek, is a surefire way to hit a stagnant patch in your co-habitation. Sometimes you need to get out and do something fun.

There’s always the old standbys like restaurants and bars, but those can become part of a tired routine as well. Instead, use sites like Eventbrite, Reddit, Facebook, and ticket purchase resources like Ticketmaster, Live Nation, Ticketfly, or StubHub to find weekly events in your respective geographic region. Explore different types of music events, museums, adult meetups, festivals, karaoke bars or any other scenario that sounds fun to both of you.

Don’t wait to purchase tickets, though. If you have the impulse to attend something, buy tickets as soon as possible and figure out the logistics later. It’s so easy to wait until the night of a show or party and bail because of laziness. Purchasing the tickets ahead of time makes you far more likely to show up.

If you’re sick of staying local, look for weekend getaways that both of you will enjoy. There’s an unlimited list of examples of unique bed and breakfasts, wine tours, treehouse rentals, campgrounds, national parks, beaches, and interesting small town experiences just waiting to be had.

The change of scenery is a great spark for any long-term partners.


Maintain a Golden Ratio of Infrequent Surprise Gifts

Everyone enjoys an unpredictable gift and your loved one deserves a material manifestation of your love from time to time. It shouldn’t be such a regular occurrence that it becomes part of your routine, however. That’s what I mean when I speak of the golden ratio. I’d roughly estimate the amount of time you should surprise your spouse/significant other with random presents as approximately 10% of the time. Once every ten days, do something out of the ordinary.

If you’re an awesome and loving person, your expressions of gratitude and appreciation for your loved ones may appear daily or several times daily, but I’m specifically talking about gestures that are out of the ordinary. Make that dinner that takes hours of effort, buy something expensive that they will enjoy, write a genuine love letter, spontaneously craft a lengthy text message explaining all the ways in which they mean the world to you, complete a task asked of you that you’ve been procrastinating about for months.

Little tokens of admiration and acknowledgement such as the above examples mean so much in a life so often swirling with responsibilities and mundaneness.

Explore One New Sexual Technique Every Month

When you’re not explicitly in the act of lovemaking, sexuality can sometimes be an awkward topic to discuss with a partner. I’ve lived my live pretty much completely free of filter, so I don’t have a problem with vocalizing my wants and asking about the other person’s desires, but I can completely understand the apprehension. It’s a part of ourselves we hide so completely from the daily outside world and it takes a healthy dose of trust to break down those barriers.

When you’re in a long-term relationship, though, you’ve pretty much seen it all. After years of companionship and intimacy, there’s a level of comfort between you and your partner that you may find underwhelming after a long while, if you don’t take actionable steps to keep things interesting.

Try to set aside one night each month to try something new to spice up your love life. Whether it’s showering together, trying out new positions, sex outdoors, roleplaying, dom/sub scenarios, sex toys, costumes, food play, oils and lotions of differing sensations, or watching porn together, find something that suits your mutual comfort level and give it an honest, open-minded try.

The more adventurous and sexually confident of you can even traipse into the realm of threesomes, swinger parties, orgies, pain play, reversing gender roles, videotaping yourselves, or even exploring avenues you’re ashamed to admit you both enjoy. There’s no limit beyond your imagination and the laws in your local jurisdiction to keep you from exploring the possibilities in your sexual life.

No matter what your preference or level of kink, every couple can find a myriad of new endeavors behind bedroom doors.
Above all else, though, respect yourselves and your partners, keep open lines of communication, and be honest with each other. If you’re in it for the long haul, you both have to be giving yourselves completely to make it work.

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